Ramblings of An Aging Gay Guy

Where is all of the world's water going?  You would think that in a closed system, such as the global climate system of water evaporation and precipitation, there would be a set point of available water.  But we are seeing that is not the case.  Droughts are occurring globally.  Glaciers are melting, the sea level is rising.  The rising of the sea level will cause a contamination of fresh water sources, causing that water to be unusable by humans and wildlife.   The increase in surface area to the oceans will cause a warming of the oceans, further fueling wild and chaotic weather patterns - more hurricanes, more typhoons, bigger hurricanes, a longer hurricane season, etc.  The reduced salinity, caused by the influx of freshwater into the salty ocean water, will affect biodiversity, culminating in an increase in algae blooms and to the death of barrier reefs. Already deep aquifers are running dry globally.  The human population obtains about 3...

Happy Saint Patty's Day!  A day of green, a day of bar crawls (or not!), a day of green beer, and all of that jazz.  Me, I did nothing special to mark the day.  Then again I don't celebrate any holidays, so why be any different today? Anyway, it is Friday!  I made it to the end of the week, minus yesterday.  This is my last weekend of Spring Break and come Monday I will be back in the swing of school again.  I have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning, and then the weekend is all mine.  (I can already tell this blog post will have no overarching meaning or theme or whatnot). Now I am laying here in bed with my Kitty (see below).  I am planning to read on the book I've been reading and then crashing.  Hopefully Kitty won't hack up a hairball in my bed tonight like he did the other night.  Poor thing. And I am outta here, I am yawning so much.  I probably should call it a night.

Today I did not go to work.  I had night sweats all night with a fever, so I stayed home.  I slept all day, only getting up to eat some Fruity Pebbles or go to the bathroom. HIV is a chronic, long-term infection.  It is a presence in the body to which the immune system mounts a constant, persistent battle against, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Even though I am on HIV medication, there still exists reservoirs of the virus inside my body, in places where the medicine does not reach: the brain, the lymphatic system, organs, tissues. You see, HIV medications only impact the virus floating around in your blood stream.  The molecular size of the medicine is too large to reach anywhere else; it simply can not physically reach most places in the body...think of trying to fit a boulder through the holes of a chain-link fence.  It simply can not fit through it. Anyway.  So, for me I have always battled fatigue.  It is a part of my diagnosis that h...

Everyone wants to be liked, at least that is what we are socialized to believe.  To be successful and well-regarded in our society means to be gregarious, to be outgoing, to have sooo many friends, to be universally beloved, to have 4567 friends on Facebook, and thousands of followers on Instagram and/or Twitter.  It means to be always having your life button flipped to the "on" position 24/7.   Or at least that is what we want people to believe anyway.  In short, our society prefers outgoing, friendly people...a "people person". I am not that kind of person.  Nor will I ever be.  I see the big picture of social media and see people forever trying too hard to be noticed, to be liked, to stand out.  It seems terribly exhausting to me.  Do people not ever have a down moment?  Do people not ever have daily calamities that mess with their day?  Do people ever shart themselves when they thought it would just be gas?   ...

For some reason I am feeling a lot of anxiety, only a few days into my spring break.  I do not function very well without an established routine.  If something in my routine is off then it makes me feel out of control.  And if being socialized into the American or Western culture has taught me anything it is the importance of being in control.  Or at least that is what is sold to us.  "If you are in control then you have all of the power, and things will go swimmingly for you!", we are told.   Anyway, back to my dysfunction.  I am currently locked in my bedroom because even the most minimal of social interaction at the moment makes me want to scratch myself, literally.  Crazy, yeah.  I guess.  I think I am just an extreme introvert and have had way more human interaction than I can handle; damn coffee and caffeine...I have consumed so much coffee today.  This time change has me out of sorts.  I feel like how a snow glo...

How much of our lives are lived too late?  At one point does wisdom gained from living life come too late to make things good again?  I wonder sometimes if that is the nature of wisdom, that wisdom is nothing more than lessons learned too late to have value, at least as it relates to the past.  That is the great sadness about the nature of time: it moves in only one direction.  It almost seems cruel that time would have such a construction.  How unkind it is not to have even a single do-over. Or is regret something else entirely?  Do we get stuck on this idea of how things should be that we fail to appreciate what is right in front of us?  I can't help but to feel like maybe we chase so many silly things in life, leaving the important things ignored.  We can so easily become so fixated on this vision on our heads, this idealized version of happiness that keeps us grasping for things that only fleetingly provide us joy. "If only I get that p...