Everyone Wants to Be Liked...Right?



Everyone wants to be liked, at least that is what we are socialized to believe.  To be successful and well-regarded in our society means to be gregarious, to be outgoing, to have sooo many friends, to be universally beloved, to have 4567 friends on Facebook, and thousands of followers on Instagram and/or Twitter.  It means to be always having your life button flipped to the "on" position 24/7.   Or at least that is what we want people to believe anyway. 

In short, our society prefers outgoing, friendly people...a "people person".

I am not that kind of person.  Nor will I ever be. 

I see the big picture of social media and see people forever trying too hard to be noticed, to be liked, to stand out.  It seems terribly exhausting to me.  Do people not ever have a down moment?  Do people not ever have daily calamities that mess with their day?  Do people ever shart themselves when they thought it would just be gas?   Of course they do!  Every day they do!  (Well, maybe sharting isn't a daily occurence, but I guarantee you that EVERYONE has done it just once. Al Roker is not alone in this.)

A person is not defined as having value just because society says you should be a certain way or act a certain way.  It is 100% OK to be an introverted asshole.  It is perfectly OK to be "slutty" (unless you are a woman or HIV-positive, then WATCH OUT!)  It is perfectly OK to be human and complex and contradictory.  It is OK to be one way at one time and then totally different at another time.  You can rest.  You can shut yourself off.  You can be disgustingly vulgar if you want to be.  Whose sensibilities are you trying to protect?  Most likely people just worry what other people would think if you say or do something.  

And, it is OK to not like someone.  The world would not end if you openly say you do not like someone or if you are not liked.  Being disliked just means you have an opinion or idea or have said something someone didn't like.  (That is a few tenses in one sentence, but that's ok.  Life goes on).  I would rather open my mouth and speak my truth and be disliked than to suffer in silence and fake-smile at someone all the time.  

Again, it is exhausting to fake it.  So, I refuse to do it.  

If you are only willing to say what you think people want to hear, then nobody will ever take you seriously.  It is impossible to live authentically and truthfully if your words and actions are dictated by the false need to please everyone around you.  Yes, living authentically and living by your values will rub people the wrong people at some point.  But that is OK.  Your job in life is not to be a forever-hostess to everyone else.  Live your truth and tell your truth and let the chips fall where they may.  Know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, know when to run.  


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