Ramblings of An Aging Gay Guy

I wish I could remember what it felt like to be happy.  

Nobody ever knows they are in an abusive relationship until they are in the very thick of it.   Like a sledgehammer,  realization hit me yesterday,  when I was watching something on TV.   I was watching 20/20;  there was a story about a brilliant hand surgeon in Texas,  who was a monster behind closed doors.   Nobody believed he was a monster, and yet he was a sadistic repeat offender.  But...nobody wants to believe they have ended up in such a preposterous situation.   I am smart,  intelligent...I see things for how they truly are,  or at least that's what I used to believe about myself.   Now,  I don't even know what is real anymore.   There is so much mistrust and acrimony between us,  it's hard to see the forest for the hundreds of petty trees in the way.   Every day is a study in pettiness.  Everyday is the game we play,  trying to pretend one of us doesn't ...

I know it's been a little while since I have posted anything.   Since I completed my Coursera HIV class I allowed exhaustion to overcome me.  I was so focused on my class to the exclusion of almost everything else.   I also left a very toxic job at Physcians Regional Hospital (owned by a shady company called Health Management Associates) in Knoxville, TN and began work at a much better company.   You may have heard of HMA before,  as they are currently under investigation by the SEC;  also,  they were featured on 60 Minutes for their questionable business practices.  It seems as if I was not the only HMA employee to think something was a bit off at that place. The environment at HMA was probably the most toxic place of employment I hate everyone ever been in.   I had one director who was very obviously attracted to one of the coworkers on my team.   There was speculation they were having an affair.  This s...