Ramblings of An Aging Gay Guy

I swear if I hear “HIV is no longer a death sentence” one more time I will end up screaming. Our HIV prevention strategies targeting young gay men are failing. The prevailing belief is that you just pop a pill once a day and life goes on...but it is so much more complicated than that. HIV can degrade the mind and spirit of a person just as much, if not more so, than it does the physical immune system. Death is not the only result of HIV, it is simply the final result if it is diagnosed late and managed poorly, as is the situation for many people. HIV and the risky behavior that can cause it’s transmission does not happen in a vacuum. Contracting HIV is the end result of a domino effect of mental, societal, and psychosocial factors that when taken together can put one in a position of great vulnerability. It is unrealistic to think the solution to transmission is “just wear a condom” or “go on PreP”. Neither of these have been successful or widely accepted “solutions”. They ...

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In the gay community the value placed on perceptions is often too high. Before I contracted HIV, I had some pretty awful preconceptions about dating someone with HIV. I would be afraid to even become friends with someone with HIV, because the gossip would inevitably lead to people thinking I too had HIV - “guilt” by association. That’s if HIV was ever even talked about, because most people did not talk about it. HIV was a buzzkill, a subject to be avoided. It was much easier and polite (and dangerous) to keep your head in the sand than to discuss HIV. Take a few minutes to look at the profiles on Grindr. Almost every picture is of hairless muscled guys, too ashamed to show their face, but so vapid and vain that they show you everything else. Profiles routinely state “I only like young, clean (meaning HIV-) white guys. Just my preference”. At what point did the gay community move from a place of inclusion to a place of abs and arms? At what point did being white, ...