Choices, Aging, and Coping
I think if I had the chance to do so I would very much go back in time to change some of the choices I have made. I know it is not very Buddhist of me to look backwards, yet I can't help but to do so right now. You see, I am experiencing a great deal of upheaval and change in my life right now, most of which is out of my control. I am not able to make things better for my mom, who is very ill. I am not able to extricate myself from a less-than-deal relationship due to the dependency I have on him. So, of course that leads me to thinking about all the things I could change or could have changed. Of course, life looking backwards is always through a 20/20 lens so therein lies the crux, the paradox. I moved back home to Knoxville in order to be closer to mom. Even before I moved back here in 2007 I could see that her health was beginning to decline. I knew that rough waters were ahead. But not much happened aside from her major heart surg...