Ramblings of An Aging Gay Guy

So usually when "bad" things happen I roll with it, because I know that these things are temporary.  I roll my eyes and go about my day.  Today, however, seemed like one bad thing after another kept happening.  I am glad this day is over.  Surely tomorrow will be better, right?  That is what is so awesome about being granted another day in life...the chance to have a better go of it.  I feel myself starting to go into devolve into a depressed state though, and I wonder if that is affecting my outlook.  Of course everything looks terrible when you are depressed, right?  The real question is can I shake this or not.  I don't want to feel this way.  I want to convince myself that I have control over what I feel.  After all, I do believe in the teachings of Buddhism, so I should be able to not let my feelings control me.  It is vital that I put things in their place, put things in the self-contained bubble that they belong.  S...

When I was younger, Christmas used to mean something to me.  As an adult, though, it feels as if the magic of Christmas is gone.  When my mom died, so too did the last of my Christmas joy.  You see, Christmas to me used to mean getting excited, buying presents for those you love, seeing the joy on their face when you got them something nice.  It used to mean my mom, dad, and I going to Christmas Eve Mass every year.  One time I even drove up late one Christmas Eve to go to Mass, though I went back home to Chattanooga that same night, to spend the holiday with my partner and his family.  The times where I did stay home for Christmas I would always spend that Christmas Eve looking out my bedroom window.  I don't know when I began to do this, but ever since I was a kid it was important to me to look out a window that night.  To see the world through a warm, glowing Christmas lens.  It somehow made the world safer.  I saw the good in the wor...

For me, one of the worst things about living with HIV is the constant feeling of not feeling well.  I know all of the advertisements for HIV medications show people hiking up mountains, running marathons, or performing in theater productions, but...that is not my experience at all.  It is a rare time period in which I feel 100%.  Most days, like today, involve me coming down with some cold or ailment or recovering from a cold or ailment. Or at least that has been how I have felt since I have been out of school the last couple of weeks.  Since school ended 2 weeks ago I swear I have had a sore throat, awful arthritic inflammation, systemic soreness and pain, and a general feeling of malaise.  The pain gets worse every day and I see my primary care doctor in two weeks to find out why.  The only thing I can attribute it to is having too much time on my hands to dwell on how I feel.  You see, when I was in school full-time and working full time I was ...

So wow, I can not believe it has been 6 months since I have last written in my blog!  I knew it had been awhile but dang! Anyway...so today I completed my first semester since returning to the University of Tennessee at Knoxville.  It has been a seriously awesome time!  It blows my mind how fast the semester flew by.  While it was happening I didn't realize the passing of time so much; I was always reading the next chapter, starting the next paper, studying for the next test, or researching my next article for the newspaper.  I also spent 30-32 hours a week working a full-time job.   So far I have received two of my four grades for the semester - both As!    As for my other two classes, I do not know my grades for those yet.   I have a B in both classes so my guestimate is that I will carry the same grades for the semester, unless I completely bomb my finals.   In a few day I will know for sure. But not everything I learned this...