Time for Change!


It is a paradox that I feel like I do too much and yet not enough. I am a hermit and rarely go out and do anything with anyone, yet inside my head I am always frantic and worried about everything. My insides certainly do not match my outsides. I feel like when there is a disconnect like that, it is inevitable that chaos of some fashion will occur.

With HIV, my only complaint is that I feel extremely tired. All. The. Time. I sleep and do not wake up feeling refreshed. I nap, but end up feeling worse afterwards. I blame it on my HIV, and I am certain that is a factor, but I wonder if there is not more going on. I definitely feel like what is happening inside my head is what is causing me to be tired. Maybe on some level I am trying to shut down, so my mind's way of avoiding things is to put myself to sleep.

I also believe my lifestyle makes things worse for me unnecessarily. Food I eat tends to be of the quick and easy type rather than the good kind. Someone once said that what you put in is what you get out, so I should not be surprised by the result. One of the things I am going to do is eat better. I am going to explore vegetables as the base of my diet and then go from there. There is no way possible I am getting all the nutrients a person needs based on what I have been eating.

I also intend to establish more of a routine in my life, so that I can exert some sort of control in what I do and don't do. I tend to be frantic and sporadic and inconsistent. That goes for sleep, my hobbies, eating. Generally, I have had no plan or no goal for so long. I have felt like a person on a scuba excursion, left behind, floating in the middle of nowhere all alone. And it is time for my pity party to end! I have come to realize that I have control over my life and how it runs and I intend to exercise that new insight immediately.

I am going to go to bed by 9 pm every night, except Thursdays, because that is eviction night on Big Brother and I would be in knots missing that.

I will take the time to make good meals and snacks for myself and will shun the vending machine at work.

I will cut out sodas and switch to water or unsweetened tea.

I will reduce my sugar intake in general because lord knows I don't need it.


I won't be perfect; nobody is. I will still have Taco Bell every once in awhile and I won't feel bad about it, but I definitely will not make it a habit either.


These are the things I am going to do immediately to start changing how I feel.

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