Thinking about Mom

Five years ago today my mom had her breast removed due to breast cancer. We did not know then that we had less than 5 years left with her. Unbeknownst to us, that was another bump on the road towards the end of her life. I do not remember the exact order of her path towards death, but I do know it began with five heart bypasses and a mitral valve replacement, followed by breast cancer, a stroke, numerous bouts of pneumonia, ending in her COPD and organ failure. Mom did not have an easy time of it those last 5 years. It always seemed like it was one thing after the other as far as her declining health went.

But through it all, Mom was always Mom. She was almost always happy and upbeat and joyful. Of course she had her down days; everyone has those. However, Mom always saw the way through it all, she always saw that things would get better overall. She continued to live in spite of all the horrible things happening to her. Her and dad still got up and went to breakfast on most Saturdays at Shoney’s. They always were going out to eat at some barbeque joint. She always found time to go out and get her a little something - a new dress here, new shoes there, she always kept her hair cut and colored (until a disastrous run-in with a bottle Ronald McDonald red, at which point we all decided maybe going grey wasn’t so bad…). She even went back to work for a time, once she realized retirement was boring, until her health simply gave her no choice but to stop working.

One of the greatest examples mom gifted to me was not by anything she necessarily said, though there are plenty of those that creep up in my head, told in her voice...usually when I am contemplating something not good (like coloring my hair, which she hated). Her greatest lesson was that one does not stop living just because life tosses you around. She showed me that no matter how many times you get knocked down, you simply have no choice but to get back up again and try things a different way or to take a new path. Perseverance is not something that can really be learned except by example and she had that in spades.

I often find myself stewing in my own head, tossing and turning my life choices and wondering why I didn’t do this or that, but then I realize all you can do is keep trying. When something does not work the first time or the 22nd time, keep trying or try something else. She taught me that limitations do not hold one back from living. There are so many different ways to live! Life is definitely not a one-size-fits-all endeavour.

One of the things I miss the most about her is her wisdom. If I had a dollar for every time I should have listened to her advice but instead did it my own way, only for her advice to have been spot on, I would be so rich! Moms truly always know best and I feel more than a little lost living without her counsel. Always listen to your mother. They have been through many challenges in life and have learned a thing or two; there is no sense reinventing the wheel when your mom is giving you the wheel for free.

For the vast majority of us we live out our life doing ordinary things, never achieving greatness, however that is defined individually. We muddle along, intertwined with the mundane, never seeing life beyond the struggle it takes to live it. One day I want to learn mom’s secret for always finding joy, even within an ordinary life.