What A Crappy Day!!

I feel like I am sliding backwards.  I feel incredibly sad today, depressed, morose.  There was no one thing that got me to feeling this way, just an accumulation of things.  I have been thinking about my mom alot lately, and missing her more than ever.  Who knew grief could come from out of the blue and swallow you whole? 

Add to that a less-than-friendly environment at my new job.  I am always friendly to people, especially people I do not know very well.  I say "Good morning!" to people, I say "Hello" to them in the hallways and whatnot.  I try speaking to people and being outgoing.  And people at my new job seem so shut off or distant and not very warm.  I have been there a month and the dynamic is odd somehow, in a way that is hard to describe.  Maybe it is me, though I really don't think it is.  I don't know.  That has gotten to me too.

And my boyfriend seems distant.  When he does talk to me it is always because he is telling me some chore I didn't do or should do or didn't do well enough.  It is always in a negative way.  Usually I let that roll off of me but it is getting to me more than usual for some reason.  

I know, I am bitching and whining.  I am usually not like this, or I haven't been in a long time now.  I guess I feel overwhelmed and do not know how to fix it or get past it.  As I was walking down the sidewalk from the bus stop heading to work I found myself thinking that if I was magically diagnosed with cancer I probably would not get treated for it.  Dark thoughts indeed.  Well, I am going to bed early tonight and hopefully a good night's sleep will help things.

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