How I View the World


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What Stigma Means To Me

Like an onion, there are many layers to HIV-related stigma.  Stigma can be internalized to oneself, or it can manifest outward.  Like an interstate, stigma can also move in both directions at the same time.  Consequences to stigma can impact a person, a relationship, or a community.  Like an elevator, stigma can move up and down the age scale.   The impact of stigma can have physical, emotional, and social effects to both HIV- and HIV+ men.  It seems to me there is a growing and widening divide between HIV+ and HIV- men.  Like an infection, it seems to be only getting worse.   I find myself being a part of the very stigma I detest, I have become an oxymoron and my behavior has become hypocritical of what I know to be right.   I would much rather become friends with someone with HIV than someone without it.  But...for me friendships with HIV- men too often become mentally exhausting; I get tired of the endless HIV-related...
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Hello, Again!

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So I am starting up my blog again. I feel like it is the best way to present myself to the world authentically. Social media has become a cesspool of influencers and people who chase clout and clicks and likes and popularity. I have no wish to be involved in any of that rat race, and I have found social media to be lacking in connection or authenticity. I write for myself, mostly. I use writing as a tool to explore myself, my thoughts, my feelings, my hopes, my dissapointments. Whether or not that is "viral-worthy" or not, well, I just don't care about that. So welcome, or welcome back. Either way, this is a work in progress, as am I. Have a great day! Here are my cats:
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What Domestic Violence Did To Me

There was a time when I was happy, healthy, whole, and fun-loving. Before domestic abuse, I had hope. Even during the hardest times, even while living with HIV, I believed there would always be a brighter day ahead. Fifteen years of abuse left me a shell of who I once was, and I grieve that person every day. Undoing the damage and conditioning he inflicted has been incredibly difficult. I tried to numb the pain through drug use, but that only created another problem. I am now in intensive outpatient therapy for CPTSD and addiction, and it is helping. I highly encourage IOP to anyone who can access it.   For 15 years, I minimized what was happening. The abuse was a gradual process of grooming and control. Before I realized it, I was financially trapped with someone who monitored and controlled nearly every part of my life. He followed me to work, put up cameras in the house and outside the house. After my parents died, that trap felt inescapable.  Eventually, the ab...
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