The Downward Spiral of No Meds Begins

I am starting to feel the effects of being off meds.
Before I started on meds back in 2009, HIV presented itself to me in a myriad of skin issues.  Of course I had the typical fatigue and exhaustion, but mostly I had skin issues - boils, MRSA infections, pimples that turned into boils.  It was to such a degree that I never wanted to go out in public.  I had to work to live, so I did go out in public, but only to work.  I never wanted to be social because I felt so uncomfortable and disfigured.
Once I went on meds these issues cleared up in their own.  I had previously been on at least 30 rounds of various antibiotics in order to combat my skin dillemas.  I would take a round of antibiotics, usually Bactrim, and my MRSA/etc would go away for 2-3 weeks.  Just when I thought it was gone for good, it would come back like a bad ex boyfriend.
Now...I have had two skin eruptions this week, both of which feel like a big scarlet HIV on my face and neck.  They are such that topical solutions are not effective.  So, I guess I need to call my doctor to go on another round of Bactrim.  Having these two skin issues makes me feel nervous that my T-cells are plummeting, which I am sure the worry over it only is exacerbating the issue, like a horrid catch-22.
And today for the first time, I feel absolutely bone weary.  I feel an exhaustion that I have not felt since before meds.  I am weak and could just collapse, at least that is what it feels like.  Stubbornness is really the only thing that keeps me going today.  I will not let my symptoms define me like I used to do.  I feel them, I am affected by them, but they do not make the decisions for me.  
I really thought it would take longer for my health to degrade.  It has only been 3 weeks or so and already things are happening inside and outside of me.  But, on the plus side I have not had any nausea since being off my meds.  Stribild has always given me a low-grade intermittent yet daily nausea.  I wonder if I should go back on Truvada/Isentress when I go back on meds?  Though, then I would have to worry over two copayments instead of one.  I guess it all depends on what insurance I end up on and how Ryan White will impact my out-of-pocket meds cost.  
But that is a worry for another today.  Today I will try my best to take care of myself, listen to my body and get the rest I need.  I have a tendency to stay “on” all the time, which in itself is exhausting for an introvert like me.  Now it is time for me to turn off.  
Goodnight.


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