Blue Christmas Eve 2013
This holiday season has been a mixed bags of blessings and sadness. On one hand I have been able to financially provide really good gifts to my parents for a change, but on the other hand, well...there is the realization that time is short and life can slow down and change so relatively quickly. My mom's health has been terrible this past year. She has been in the hospital dealing with pneumonia and she never really recovered from that. Now she is on oxygen, and she is dependent upon that oxygen. And she has been sick, again, lately, and can barely even get around the house. She is really bad off physically.
Added to that is Ken and Barbara's betrayal and abandonment. Their presence and assistance in helping with mom and her health issues has always been tenuous at best, but at the very least he has been a source of feedback and direction in the rare times I have needed someone to listen and help.
At first I was angry at the way my brother and Barbara has treated mom, angry to the core; a black hatred thick as tar. I still feel that way, and yet now I am also deeply hurt because of the pain they are causing mom. Their absolute shunning would be bad enough even if she was in the best of health, but the hurt is compounded because their is nothing she can do physically to appease them.
She fell down the stairs on the day of Liam's Bar Mitvah, and they accused her of faking it to get out of going to Nashville. Like anyone would fake a fall down the stairs, hard concrete stairs at that! It just makes me so angry my skin itches, thinking about them chastising her from upon their perfect Jewish pedestal, saying she is a disappointment as a grandmother and they can not allow her to continue to be such a disappointment.
I am pretty sure that the Bible or Torah or whatever their flavor of the month does not advocate talking down to anyone, especially one's mother. I am pretty sure most religions, even the hard-core cults like the one they are with, preach compassion and love. But, when one has a superiority complex mixed in with a lifetime of short-fused know-it-allness...well, there is not much outside of serious medication and psychotherapy that can combat such an affliction of the soul, mind, and heart.
It just hurts me to know end to see her trying not to let it get to her, to try to ignore the hurt. I believe it is impacting her physically. It almost seems that by taking away the grandkids, Ken and Barbara has also taken away her spark, her joy, her will to go on. It is heartbreaking on so many levels, even more so now at the holidays. Their actions are simply unforgivable to me. For anyone to stand on a pedestal is bad enough, but when that person who is looking down on you has their own laundry list of sins and transgressions, that is just rich.
Please take a moment to say a prayer for families who are broken, families who are raw with hurt and anger, for those of us who are allowing that anger to change them fundamentally for the worse.
Added to that is Ken and Barbara's betrayal and abandonment. Their presence and assistance in helping with mom and her health issues has always been tenuous at best, but at the very least he has been a source of feedback and direction in the rare times I have needed someone to listen and help.
At first I was angry at the way my brother and Barbara has treated mom, angry to the core; a black hatred thick as tar. I still feel that way, and yet now I am also deeply hurt because of the pain they are causing mom. Their absolute shunning would be bad enough even if she was in the best of health, but the hurt is compounded because their is nothing she can do physically to appease them.
She fell down the stairs on the day of Liam's Bar Mitvah, and they accused her of faking it to get out of going to Nashville. Like anyone would fake a fall down the stairs, hard concrete stairs at that! It just makes me so angry my skin itches, thinking about them chastising her from upon their perfect Jewish pedestal, saying she is a disappointment as a grandmother and they can not allow her to continue to be such a disappointment.
I am pretty sure that the Bible or Torah or whatever their flavor of the month does not advocate talking down to anyone, especially one's mother. I am pretty sure most religions, even the hard-core cults like the one they are with, preach compassion and love. But, when one has a superiority complex mixed in with a lifetime of short-fused know-it-allness...well, there is not much outside of serious medication and psychotherapy that can combat such an affliction of the soul, mind, and heart.
It just hurts me to know end to see her trying not to let it get to her, to try to ignore the hurt. I believe it is impacting her physically. It almost seems that by taking away the grandkids, Ken and Barbara has also taken away her spark, her joy, her will to go on. It is heartbreaking on so many levels, even more so now at the holidays. Their actions are simply unforgivable to me. For anyone to stand on a pedestal is bad enough, but when that person who is looking down on you has their own laundry list of sins and transgressions, that is just rich.
Please take a moment to say a prayer for families who are broken, families who are raw with hurt and anger, for those of us who are allowing that anger to change them fundamentally for the worse.
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