Ramblings of An Aging Gay Guy

I have been living with HIV since 2007.  Throughout my life since my diagnosis, I have been in and out of steady employment, as my diagnosis coincided with the downturn of the economy.   Even when I had steady employment, I still found it difficult to be able to afford the copays, deductibles, medicines and labwork required with modern HIV treatment.   When a person begins on HIV medication, they must remain on that medication for the duration of their lives.  We can NOT go on and off medicine.  We can NOT miss even a single dose of medication as the HIV virus would mutate quickly and the medicine would no longer be effective.   Too often, the systems in place for care fail those of us with HIV.  Applying and remaining on state and federally assisted Ryan White programs or ADAP require a great deal of paperwork, time, and hassle.  I have never had a quick and easy experience applying for Ryan White assistance.  I am happy to know t...

Being an HIV advocate means straddling two different, diametrically opposed worlds.  Engaging in battle on two fronts, much like a war, I advocate for both HIV+ (us) and HIV- people (them).  Each battle has it's own challenges and rewards, some of them immediate but most of them are unknown or more long-term in the rewards. And the idea of us and them reverses depending on which side of the fence you live on. It is sometimes hard to juggle two hats - fighting for those with HIV and fighting for those who do not have HIV.  Both groups of people have their seperate challenges.   People who perceive themselves to be HIV-negative (1 in 5 do not know they have HIV) believe they are not at risk for HIV.  HIV is something from the 80’s, they say.  I can just take a pill and be fine, they say.  I am not someone who could get HIV, they say.  But all of these assumptions are false and are based on ignorance or they chose to keep their head in the sand...

Like an onion, there are many layers to HIV-related stigma.  Stigma can be internalized to oneself, or it can manifest outward.  Like an interstate, stigma can also move in both directions at the same time.  Consequences to stigma can impact a person, a relationship, or a community.  Like an elevator, stigma can move up and down the age scale.   The impact of stigma can have physical, emotional, and social effects to both HIV- and HIV+ men.  It seems to me there is a growing and widening divide between HIV+ and HIV- men.  Like an infection, it seems to be only getting worse.   I find myself being a part of the very stigma I detest, I have become an oxymoron and my behavior has become hypocritical of what I know to be right.   I would much rather become friends with someone with HIV than someone without it.  But...for me friendships with HIV- men too often become mentally exhausting; I get tired of the endless HIV-related...

I think there is a fine line between outreach and shrill screeching.  I acknowledge that there probably is a generational gap in methodology between “those that came before” and “generation Y” when it comes to HIV advocacy.  Young people (those under 30) with HIV did not grow up with the imagery and horror that was the early days of HIV.  Older people perhaps do not understand how social media can be an important tool in advocacy.   But to point fingers at one way or the other and then to say “my way is the right way, so back off old man!” is disingenuous and insulting.  Comparing one’s memories of the early days of HIV/AIDS to the Holocaust is indeed a good analogy.  I can definitely see the comparisons, both have wholesale slaughter at it’s core.  Holocaust victims and early HIV/AIDS victims were both ignored and invisible by the public at large, and nobody raised their hand to say “what is happening here to these people is wrong!” But then to ...

Why can’t testing for HIV become more routine and consistent?   I also believe that current CDC guidelines are too conservative and leave too many cracks for someone to fall through in seeking/remaining in care.     Establishing a new norm is difficult but not impossible. Research has shown that providing incentives and massive outreach are two tools necessary for establishing the norm for testing in Africa. We have already gotten our foot in the door as far as HIV testing goes, but I believe it is time to throw that door wide open and really create the political will to curb the rise in new HIV infections. I believe creating a new, more aggressive testing norm is possible here in the US as well. We already have a medical framework to support testing and follow up...primary care physicians, ER rooms, health departments, HIV organizations. It would not take much more time, money, or infrastructure to ramp up HIV testing in the medical framewo...

You can NOT get HIV through: hugging someone kissing someone crying, coughing on someone, sneezing on someone   shaking hands, being friends. You can NOT get HIV from: swimming pools, lakes, baths, toilet seats, door knobs, elevator buttons, eating utensils, drinking glasses, straws, water fountains, telephones, office equipment. HIV is NOT transmitted via: vomit, sweat, poop, snot, tears, urine, saliva. mosquitos. HIV is transmitted via: blood (including menstrual blood) semen/precum,, vaginal fluids, breastmilk. Blood contains the highest concentration of the virus, followed by semen, followed by vaginal fluids, followed by breast milk. So...Men pose a higher risk of passing HIV to another man or woman, though all transmission routes are possible.

This morning, I woke up like I usually do on a Saturday morning, earlier than I planned to get up yet later than I ever sleep during the week.  Each Saturday morning, it is my routine to get up and flip the television over to Food Network, and I spend the morning soaking up culinary inspiration.  The highlight of my morning is watching Pioneer Woman.  For some reason, I connect to her show, her food, her way of life.  She and her family live and work on a cattle ranch in Oklahoma.  She is very vivacious and down to earth and her food vision is amazing.  I have made more of her recipes in just the last month than I have ever made from any other recipe source. But, I am sort of going of on a tangent.  Gotta love age + HIV meds, they do screwy things to your head. The me from a few years ago, or even a few months ago, would never have found joy in cooking.  I had always held a deep interest in cooking, though for some reason or another (usually...