Ramblings of An Aging Gay Guy

I think there is a fine line between outreach and shrill screeching.  I acknowledge that there probably is a generational gap in methodology between “those that came before” and “generation Y” when it comes to HIV advocacy.  Young people (those under 30) with HIV did not grow up with the imagery and horror that was the early days of HIV.  Older people perhaps do not understand how social media can be an important tool in advocacy.   But to point fingers at one way or the other and then to say “my way is the right way, so back off old man!” is disingenuous and insulting.  Comparing one’s memories of the early days of HIV/AIDS to the Holocaust is indeed a good analogy.  I can definitely see the comparisons, both have wholesale slaughter at it’s core.  Holocaust victims and early HIV/AIDS victims were both ignored and invisible by the public at large, and nobody raised their hand to say “what is happening here to these people is wrong!” But then to ...

Why can’t testing for HIV become more routine and consistent?   I also believe that current CDC guidelines are too conservative and leave too many cracks for someone to fall through in seeking/remaining in care.     Establishing a new norm is difficult but not impossible. Research has shown that providing incentives and massive outreach are two tools necessary for establishing the norm for testing in Africa. We have already gotten our foot in the door as far as HIV testing goes, but I believe it is time to throw that door wide open and really create the political will to curb the rise in new HIV infections. I believe creating a new, more aggressive testing norm is possible here in the US as well. We already have a medical framework to support testing and follow up...primary care physicians, ER rooms, health departments, HIV organizations. It would not take much more time, money, or infrastructure to ramp up HIV testing in the medical framewo...

You can NOT get HIV through: hugging someone kissing someone crying, coughing on someone, sneezing on someone   shaking hands, being friends. You can NOT get HIV from: swimming pools, lakes, baths, toilet seats, door knobs, elevator buttons, eating utensils, drinking glasses, straws, water fountains, telephones, office equipment. HIV is NOT transmitted via: vomit, sweat, poop, snot, tears, urine, saliva. mosquitos. HIV is transmitted via: blood (including menstrual blood) semen/precum,, vaginal fluids, breastmilk. Blood contains the highest concentration of the virus, followed by semen, followed by vaginal fluids, followed by breast milk. So...Men pose a higher risk of passing HIV to another man or woman, though all transmission routes are possible.

This morning, I woke up like I usually do on a Saturday morning, earlier than I planned to get up yet later than I ever sleep during the week.  Each Saturday morning, it is my routine to get up and flip the television over to Food Network, and I spend the morning soaking up culinary inspiration.  The highlight of my morning is watching Pioneer Woman.  For some reason, I connect to her show, her food, her way of life.  She and her family live and work on a cattle ranch in Oklahoma.  She is very vivacious and down to earth and her food vision is amazing.  I have made more of her recipes in just the last month than I have ever made from any other recipe source. But, I am sort of going of on a tangent.  Gotta love age + HIV meds, they do screwy things to your head. The me from a few years ago, or even a few months ago, would never have found joy in cooking.  I had always held a deep interest in cooking, though for some reason or another (usually...

Do you wanna know the worst thing about having HIV?  Shit!!  No, I was not cussing (or cursing if you are from the North).  I literally mean: I hate shitting.  It is 6:45 PM and I have went no less than 4 times today.  And that is a low number; most days I go more than that. Yes, I did start on a new set of meds, though chemically there the same as what I was on previously, but with the addition of cobicistat .  I am on Stribild now; previously I was on Isentress and Truvada.  Stribild is Truvada and Isentress combined, with the addition of cobicistat to boost the levels of the drug in my bloodstream, thus making the drugs more potent.   My best educated guess is that my new “going #2” side effect is as a result of the cobicistat , as I did NOT have this issue when I was on Isentress/Truvada separately.  But, sadly enough, my adherence with Isentress was not as good as it should be; I kept forgetting to take my morning Isentress (I had to tak...

 into this dark and twisted nest resides a branch than can not rest, growing smaller every day waiting for life to begin again, over and over too many agains.  Ancient raw bark outside hides the life inside, hard outside, wet inside.     a whistle and some time go by, caught up in the windy fray, sweeping branches up I go, into old I go.  Never a doubt with God's whispered  shout, water running a course before even the drop knows is way, going down down down until the drop is swallowed by the shore, forgetting itself what it was before.    what am I this dark and twisty thing, flowing and from air to sea?  Am I everything in between?  No way no how not even a shape to go by.  From dusk to dawn I swim so far that not even I can find back to then.     i wanna hold on I wanna forth but right now I just don't get which one I am supposed to do, driving me deeper down into the cycle of round and round.  Dizzy ...

In our modern culture, it has been pounded into our heads that to be strong in this world means that you must be an island unto yourself.  This sentiment is even more true for people who belong to a minority group.  II have heard people say that they have to work twice as hard to get half as far, and though I believe this strategy will only burn someone out in the long term. As a middle-age gay man with HIV and clinical depression, I struggle every single day with a variety of hurdles.  Some of these hurdles are external, some are of my own internal creation.  Most days I maintain some sort of stasis, some sort of equilibrium, I keep myself balance in the ups and downs in life. But sometimes...sometimes it all gets to be a bit too much to handle.  Everyday is a battle and sometimes I lose.  Much like running an engine at high RPMs will overheat and eventually crack an engine block, sometimes life becomes overwhelming..   There are garden-variety life-c...